I am currently in exam stress hell at uni. I now understand why students drink a lot. Its because trying to cram 2 semesters worth of knowledge into your brain within 5 days is very fucking stressful.

So apparently we should be remembering and revising slides as we go through the semester, week by week. I would like to meet the person who actually said this and thought it was possible, I bet they didn’t have 3 assignments and a presentation in all at once, I bet they don’t have kids, I doubt they ever cleaned and I’m pretty fucking sure they didn’t have a life. I can see the cunt now, sat at their desk surrounded by nutritional, healthy snacks, post-it notes marking every paragraph and every page with the extra reading, furiously scribbling away and highlighting their favourite words to add to their collection of smug student dialect to throw out in the middle of a wine and cheese night.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate these people, I’m just bitter, because I wish I had my shit together like them, instead I procrastinate, I watch netflix, I get sucked into random youtube videos when searching for the cellular pathway of proliferation and I’m writing this. I have my last exam this week and genuinely feel like I can’t fit anymore in my head, my brain feels like a melting scoop of ice cream in the sun, just dripping and running out of my ears while I slowly talk absolute bollocks because I can’t even communicate a coherent sentence anymore.

Then there is sitting in the exam, I dare not look around in case the invigilators suspect me of cheating, with their suspicious looks at you as if you’re telepathically sending answers to everyone. My mind empties into this black chasm were information was once held, I go blank and sit staring at the persons head in front of me trying to bore the answers out of their brain by staring at them. I’m 36, I cannot for the life of me remember what I did last week so how the fuck am I supposed to remember the cellular pathway????

Just writing this makes me want to go out and get shit faced. It’s a gorgeous day out and I’m inside studying, its bank holiday and I’m inside studying instead of being at the beer garden or festivals with friends. It is soul destroying and exhausting. Rant done.

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